Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you had me at cake vodka
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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