Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
