Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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