So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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