My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
