Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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