69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
