handjob tips. give me some.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
