three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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