Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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