I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
