So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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