I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
