I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
