After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
