I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
