winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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