I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
