So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
