Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
