i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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