On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
