Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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