I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
