Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
