so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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