Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
