This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
