my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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