Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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