I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
