i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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