Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
