Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
