i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was CRYING into my vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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