And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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