I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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