I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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