Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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