nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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