I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
