GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize