He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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