note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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