Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
