a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
