Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I should be sponsored by Trojan
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
