Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
