I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
