Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
