I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
