toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
