Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
