remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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