Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
