Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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