In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
