i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
