He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
