I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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