i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
