hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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