I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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