did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
