i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
