So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
