We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
