i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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