like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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