Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
