umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
