I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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