dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
