alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
