Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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