Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
