Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
