Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
