i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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